Finding Peace and Purpose in the Ordinary

We often spend our days going through the motions. Striving to not only live our day to day lives but also hoping for a better future. Putting our happiness off into the future is futile and can lead to feelings of emptiness and lead to low mood.

So how do we actually learn to love the life we're living while still having hopes and goals for the future?

1. Recognise that these might be the good old days

There is a trend online of older people reminiscing of having small children and missing the mess and the noise. Telling the parents to soak in every moment because it goes by in the blink of an eye. I can relate to this in some ways, because I often now look back on the period of my life where I was escaping and chasing dreams and goals. I didn’t make the most of the freedom I had. The amount of time I had.

It leads to me to wonder what if this ordinary Tuesday is part of the life we'll one day wish we could return to? It is hard to imagine that when you’re in the thick of a life that is stressful in some way. But I wonder what would you look back on with fondness from this season?

2. Find the gold in the now

When we actively start looking for the things that are good in the now it can shift our minds to look for more positives. This doesn’t have to be huge events or experiences although it could be. It may just be a cup of coffee in your favorite mug, your child's laugh, a walk in nature, your home, your marriage, your favourite music, sunlight through the window. We can take a little time to be grateful for what we have now not pretending everything is perfect — just refusing to overlook what is good because you're focused on what's missing.

3. Practise presence

When we are going about our day it is easy to just be reacting to what is happening. I find this when I am in my teaching job. As a teacher you are constantly making mircro-decisions thinking about what might happen, reading the children, assessing situations and doing tasks at the same time. I am sure there are other jobs that can relate to this too! I have to remind myself to come back to what's actually happening rather than constantly living in the next thing. I often have to calm my nervous system before I can be present again. We can take a little time through our day and our evenings to:

• Put the phone down.

• Notice our surroundings.

• Actually listen to the person we're with.

• Let ourselves experience an ordinary moment rather than rushing through it.

4. Romanticise the ordinary

This is isn’t meaning you have to suddenly pretend you have it all. It means making an ordinary thing seem cosy, or happy or pretty or pick your own positive adjective. An example of this for me is that my kitchen is in need of renovating and I was fed up of not liking it. After renovating many times I know that newness fades quickly and soon becomes the ordinary. So I thought let me embrace the era the kitchen is in and I decided to cosy it up with lamps, pots wood and plants. Now despite of its flaw I feel cosy in my old and tired kitchen.

But of course it doesn’t have to be things that we romaticise it could be every day tasks that sometimes feel like a chore. We could try to bring some positivity to them.

• Put music on while you cook.

• Light a candle when you want cosy.

• Take the scenic route and imagine you are on a break.

• Get dressed in something you love even when you're not going anywhere special.

• Make the ordinary feel worthy of your attention.

5. Ask God to transform the way you see your life

Sometimes our every day can feel painful or oppressive and this is hard to live! We will try to force change and feel very sad and frustrated when it is not how we desire our life to be. I have found great comfort in not having to try and control my life anymore. When I feel like the everyday is getting me down I will talk to God. I spent many years in the manifestation field and I came to the conclusion that I really don’t know what will bring me happiness. I had an epiphany that led me to realise I want God the creator of all things to guide my path. I want Him to support me in my everyday happiness.

Rather than:

"God, change everything around me so I can finally be happy."

It can become:

"God, help me see this season differently. Help me recognise what you've already given me and teach me to be present here."

There is a bible verse that I often lean in to make my own prayer “…I ask for the peace of you Lord which transcends all understanding. Which wil guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus…” (adapted from Philippians 4:7) This has worked many times I honestly will suddenly feel better without knowing why or how. I even pray this over my son when he is struggling to sleep.

6. Stop making your future responsible for your happiness

I have previously talked about how I used to put my happiness in the future. The “I’ll be happy when…” trap that we can often fall into. It is okay to look forward to new things and have goals.

You can still want the house, career, relationship, business, holiday, health, etc.

But:

A goal should give you direction, not become a condition for your happiness.

To add to that it should guide some of your choices and actions in your day to day but it should not dictate how you feel about your life now. This is easier said then done when you have a job that you hate, you are lonely or life just feels unfair. So read on to number 7.

7. Give this season a purpose
To find peace in the now you can start to search for the purpose within the season you are living now. You see purpose in life can change and evolve just as you can in life when you are willing. So you may want to sit and examine this ask:

What is this season of my life asking of me?

Maybe this isn't the season for achieving everything.

Maybe it's about:

• raising your children

• rebuilding your health

• learning

• healing

• building something slowly

• strengthening your marriage

• serving

• resting

• developing discipline

• discovering who you are

Your purpose doesn't have to be your life's ultimate purpose. It can simply be the purpose of this season. You can find peace in the fact that this is just a season and like the seasons it will change again.

8. Create small habits that anchor you into peace, hope and faith
Instead of waiting for a huge life change, to help you to feel peace in the ordinary create little anchors. For me the shift in my outlook has been transformed through my relationship with Christ. I truly do feel that I am supported and being guided and protected. I know through Christ all things are possible and this brings me peace. When I anchor myself back into this daily it truly helps me. You may just need to anchor back into your body out of your mind so the habits may be something like:

• morning Bible reading/prayer or journal

• a daily walk

• gratitude

• evening reset

• movement

• eating in a way that makes you feel good

• 10 minutes working towards something meaningful

These are the things that make your life more peaceful.

9. Choose connection over distraction
When we are we feel uncomfortable or discontent in our ordinary we often reach for quick dopamine fixes. We try to distract ourselves. This can come in many forms but usually they are not healthy for our minds or bodies it may be scrolling on your phone, watching hours of TV or YouTube. Eating junk food or drinking. Of course all of these things in moderation are okay but when we are constantly doing them we are not living we are existing. You can miss out on the gold in your ordinary.

Ask:

When I feel dissatisfied, what do I usually reach for?

TV? Scrolling? Food? Shopping? Work? Constant productivity?

Then:

What could I choose instead?

A walk. A conversation. Prayer. Music. Creativity. Being outside. Playing with your child. Sitting quietly.

This doesn’t mean never distract yourself — just become aware of when distraction has become your default.

10. Make peace with "not yet"
In our culture today we are often encouraged to want and not only that we are told we can have it all as long as we work hard. We are encouraged to strive or “hustle”. Don’t get me wrong there is a place for ambition and action toward it. But when it comes at the expense of enjoying our lives as they are it becomes a futile cycle that you will likely repeat (I call this the survival cycle) see my blog on this if you want to learn more). We need to find the balance between hoping for things and surrendering to what is. I am walking with you on this and although I am nowhere near as bad as I used to be I can still see myself trying to distract from the things I don’t like in my life. I have found ways of interrupting the cycle.

For me, this has become one of the biggest shifts in the way I live. I spent years trying to work out what would finally make me happy. Eventually, I realised I didn't actually know what would bring me the life I imagined. I wanted to stop trying to control every outcome and start trusting God with my path.

I now lean on God to lead me. I ask that His will be done because I know he goes before me in all of my paths and makes things for my good. So I will sit and literally surrender and remind myself I am where I need to be and if this is it for my life I can be okay, some days this is hard! But if forces me to think about what treasure I truly have in my now, it humbles me to recognise how much worse it could be!

I can be hoping for something and still love what I have.

You don't have to quash your dreams in order to appreciate today.

You can hold both:

"I hope for more. But I appreciate now"

and

"I am grateful for this."

So I ask you to consider:

What is good in my life right now that I might be overlooking?

What is this season asking me to learn, become or experience?

What is one small thing I can do today to love my life as it is?

Remember:

You don't have to stop dreaming about tomorrow. You just don't want to miss today while you're waiting for it.

Stay aligned my wonderful people.