He was chasing me all along…

My spiritual journey and finding my way back to the the truth!

My whole life I have had a sense of wonder for something beyond this world we see in front of us. As a child my Mum would call me Dolly Daydream as I stared out of the window or lost myself in thought. Even as a child I was a deep thinker and I had a longing for something more, something greater. I am sure you can relate. I was Christened as a child but we were not church goers. The only learning around the Bible and God I was getting was from the odd school worship and service. I listened to the Bible stories but saw them as that stories. As a child it is hard to grasp fully that there is an energy greater than this world its a concept I struggled with but certainly wanted to believe in. I remember every night saying a prayer before bed.

Spiritual “growth”

When I was 14 my very young Grandmother passed away she was only 62, my mother was grieving terribly and so were myself and my brother. I remember my Mum searching for a way to just hear from her once more to know she was okay. She started to buy books on mediumship and started to go to tarot readers and mediums. I was an avid reader and I started to read the books she had bought. Due to my deep personality and the need for comfort I truly felt that this was something that was good for people. I didn’t once question whether this was dark in any way. I started to get myself little tarot packs and runes and would do myself readings wanting to know about the future and longing to hear something good was coming. I was now well on my journey and when I was about 20 I started to read about manifestation and I really loved the idea that I could have some control over my life. This felt comforting to me.

Infertility and losses

Fast forward to when I got married we wanted a family straight away. After a year of no hope we went on a long journey of IVF cycles only to be told after 4 cycles that it just was not going to work for us. The doctor also told us the odds of us conceiving together were very low due to both of us having fertility issues. As you can imagine through all of this my need to control and longing to feel safe was triggered again and again. That is when I turned to manifestation and self-help. I read everything under the sun when to conferences, did sound baths, Reiki, acupuncture you name it I tried it. Until I couldn’t face another loss, I was on my knees. I worked through my deep fear of not feeling good enough the best I could with therapy. I still had a feeling of emptiness but the rawness had gone.

Successes

Throughout this time period I was working toward a new career in teaching. I had a school in mind that I wanted to work at my neice had gone to school there and it was small and just felt like home. I did get a job at the school at the end of my degree and it happened to be a church school. At the time I believed I had manifested this (perhaps I had but I will go into this further later). I started to have daily collective worship and I started to see links between the New Age stuff I had learned and the Bible and Jesus’s teachings. I was confirmed into the church at that school and for that I am truly thankful as I feel that it gave me some protection during times where I was dabbling in what I now know was the occult. After a couple of years of working there I decided I was ready to try for a baby again I threw myself into manifestation using the techniques I had learned and I did indeed get pregnant and now have an amazing son. But just before I got pregnant I had a car crash and something in me knew that it was linked to the manifesting. It always felt like something bad happened before I got something good. This didn’t sit very well with me it just didn’t feel good, but I brushed it off as how could something that brought me my wonderful son be bad. I had further successes and I felt I wanted to help others to “create their dream lives”. I made a short course but something in me was always niggling at me that manifestation was not of pure intentions. But I would always put it to the back of my mind and tell myself how can making myself or others happy be bad…

Realisation

It wasn’t until I started to wake up to the fact that in this world there is darkness, the enemy is the ruler of the planet. Now this is hard to wrap your mind around but if you look around us at the world right now and you look at all the hate, the horrendous things happening that get covered up. The things that popular culture encourages, you will see it too. I realised that a lot of the people who were involved in some of these heinous crimes against humanity and children, were the same people encouraging us to follow our dreams, use manifestation, follow the new age and think outside of the box and think about ourselves! It wasn’t unitl I saw a testimony of another New age junkie that had gone to Christ that all of the dots started to truly add up to me! But of course me being me at first I just couldn’t accept it. But it kept niggling, I knew in my heart.

I needed more clarification!

I looked back on the past couple of years and we had been through what felt like literal hell, 8 deaths and I had been horrifically bitten on the face by a dog. Through the grace of God my lip wasn’t ripped off. I knew he had been with me because in the A&E there was an Easter service happening and I just prayed, I said God please, please let this be okay. The surgeon who fixed me up was wearing a St Chistopher necklace. This is unusual in the UK as not many people show the Christian faith outwardly. I also then had a knowing of why this had happened, I had opened myself up to dark energy the day before. I had taken a Reiki session and the woman did not feel right, she had what I can only describe as a “witchy” energy and she was clammy and seemed a bit weird, this was an online Reiki so I was able to turn it off but the damage was done. I was naive in all of this really and so are many of the healers and teachers in the new age world they do it because they want to help and comfort others, what they are not realising is that they are dabbling in the demonic. Opening up to an energy that they they believe is good when actually they have no real understanding or control over what they are tapping into. I would like to say I went home and got rid of all of my cards and manifestation things. But I didn’t at first, I brushed it off and I thought I could make sure that I was connecting to “good energy”. How wrong I was.

Wake up call!

One day I woke up and I just knew, it all made sense, I had been striving to control, to create, to become happy. I was living in this world tapping into the energy of this world and sacrificing something to get what I want. This world is low vibrational Satan and the other fallen angels have the dominion within this world if we allow them. I wasn’t going to allow this anymore, I desired to be connected to the creator, the protector our Lord and saviour. I didn’t want to do mediocre, dangerous or empty anymore. I started to connect to the word of God on another level and now I feel a sense of peace like I have never before. I don’t want to be manifesting what “I” want. I want to live in my purpose, to live in gratitude, to feel protected and guided even through the hardships. To give the glory to God! Only He knows what is truly best. He paves the way and has always been trying to find me, trying to talk to me, trying to protect and save me and for that I am truly grateful. (I intend on writing more about the difference between manifestation and prayer and living in purpose instead of forcing our will in another blog).

The fact that I was open to a spiritual realm has benefited me and I know my journey was truly shaped by Him. I shared this testimony because I hope that I can save at least one person from the New Age trap and help them on their journey back to truth. You see the enemy takes the truth but bends it to suit him the enemy divides, distorts, lies and cheats. Jesus is “the way, the truth, the life” John 14:6